i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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