Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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