My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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