I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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