Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
