I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
