i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
