i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
