You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize