The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
