A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
