yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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