It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
