There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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