i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
