Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am available for nakedness
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
