Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
