just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
