last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
