Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
