if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sober January is a disaster.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
