It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
