I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
