Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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