yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As shirtless as possible
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
