you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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