It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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