hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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