we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
