ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
