in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
