i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
