Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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