Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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