..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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