I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
