Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
