I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
