Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
