Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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