come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone owes me an orgasm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
