Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
