I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
