roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize