oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
