The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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