The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
