You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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