I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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