Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
