can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
