Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
