so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
