I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
