I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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