I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
