Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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