The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
