Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
