margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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