Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
