so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am available for nakedness
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
