he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
